complaining to God...

A lot of people who suffer from anxiety disorders are people who bottle up their feelings. Maybe you think that expressing your frustration or deep pain is like complaining. I thought that for a long time and therefore I would not share with anyone my profound pain... not even to God.

I wouldn't share with God my pain in detail because I thought it was "lack of acceptance of His will." So I suffered and moaned in pain absolutely alone. Sure I would share with my therapist and spiritual director but up to a point. I did not want to seem melodramatic or seem like a "whiner."

Yet the pain kept bottling up and I cried out to God... and surprisingly His answer was "tell me everything." He wanted to know the details, he wanted me to moan in His arms. He wanted to share the deepest darkness with me.

"I beg you to put yourself in the presence of God, and to suffer your pains before Him. Do not keep yourself from complaining; but this should be to Him, in a filial spirit, as a little child to its mother. For if it is done lovingly, there is no danger in complaining, nor in begging cure... but do this with love, and with resignation into the arms of the good will of God" - St. Francis de Sales

He wants to share in your darkness. Sometimes we think that others can't handle the amount of pain we are in and we don't talk about it. Do not underestimate your therapist, family and friends...but first and foremost do not underestimate your Heavenly Father. He is Strong, He can handle all of your pain, and most importantly, if You share your pain with Him, if you give it to Him, He will fill you with His Spirit, with His Hope.